LickMyGreenBalls

From an AP story:
Paris Hilton is making a personal contribution to protecting the environment.

"I changed all the light bulbs to energy-safe light bulbs and I'm buying a hybrid car right now," the 26-year-old celebrity heiress said Wednesday.

Hilton said she turns off the lights, doesn't leave the TV on or the water running when she leaves her house.

HOORAY FOR HER! WAY TO MAKE A COMMITMENT TO SUSTAINABILITY!

Editor: are we really supposed to believe that she's giving up air travel and 6,000 mile caviar also? Rich and powerful families have always had their castles, bigger houses, security staff, hot cocoa, plentiful horses and pig-on-a-spit pie. This never changes. It's just that the rest of us peons now have plentiful horses (Ford Mustang) and McMeat (In'N'Out) available 24/7. The world wouldn't be fucked a million times over if only the rich and powerful drove cars. And she hasn't had any kids yet. Now that's a "dark green" leading by example!

Published 12/11/07. First draft.

Is the Inflation Mouse eating through your pantry?
by timmy green

I can imagine a phone interview with the imaginary Kazakh going something like this. "Hey Borat, how's life in America treating you? Oh really? ... oh wow... your wife? And what's the baby's name? Angelina? Ah, yes, a very nice name for your daughter! She will grow up to be a star! Do great things?" And a bit later, the question I'm super interested in, which is, "Did you get the Raise this year?"

Me? Sure. But not as much as Borat got! Whoooa! And for everyone else?

Well damn I sure hope so, because if you live in a place called America, your monthly gas bill rose 23% this year. Butter prices rose 38%. Beef prices rose 4.4%. Cotton underwear, up yours 16%. Proletariat wedgie![1] The average price increase in basic life necessities we buy all year was 20.3 fucking per cent. Why isn't there a fucking riot in the streets? Er, um, automobile sewers?

Okay we left out TP, deodorant, rent, vaseline, Diet Coke and home heating oil some northerners curl up with in the winter. But we picked a fairly even "basket of goods" given that 80% of Americans drive alone to work, and most Americans are meat/butter eaters, and most of us wear cotton down there. If you're normal, i.e. non-vegan and not homeless, this should accurately present your cost of living increase for the year. But is this trend a fad or is it long-lasting? Check out the trend in gas prices, 2001-present:

Now let's pretend that true inflation of our cost of living -- not our government's maggoty, 1 corporate campaign contribution dollar=1 vote, make the elites look good, downplay domestic poverty, "Core" CPI -- is merely 10%. If your savings account pays you 1% are you losing 9% of your wealth every year? Or if you don't have any savings, are you losing 10% of your buying power every year? Let's find out before you lose another stack of "Benjamins" due to inattention!